Gee, it's been awhile...

A new friend sent me the link to her blog. It was funny and irreverent and I really enjoyed reading it. Then I remembered that a while back I too liked blogging and should probably keep doing it. My last post was in March - that would be almost 7 months ago. Jeez.

This is not unusual for me. I get really excited about something and then I put expectations upon myself to keep doing it and lo and behold it has become a chore. Yet another thing on my To Do list like, journaling and having more sex with my husband and writing gratitude lists. All of which really enhance my life by the way, but once they become a "should" or a "must" I get resentful and childish. My inner teenager screams, "You can't make me!" and I quit or get distracted by some other pretty, shiny object of my attention.

The difference now is that I don't beat myself up for it anymore. The old me would start that hateful inner dialog that sounds something like "You suck at this, why are you even bothering to try new things? You never finish anything you start" blah blah blah... I know now, that this is total crap. And no one is judging me, but me. Isn't it okay to journal only when I need guidance or to sort out my feelings. To have sex with my husband 3 or 4 times a week and not at all the next week? To blog only when I feel like I have something to say? The answer is YES!

I am learning that in every life situation there are two ways to feel about it. To feel bad about it or to feel good about it. It is that simple. Both are available to me, but only one makes my life better and makes me feel good about me and who I am. For example, I have an incredibly long commute everyday - 38 miles each way through L.A. freeways, canyons and surface streets. It takes roughly 55 to 90mins. depending on any number of things. My options are to hate my commute and dread getting in the car. Cursing the other drivers for their stupidity and carelessness. Getting myself exhausted, angry and stressed by the time I arrive at work or by the time I get home to greet my family after a long day. OR To embrace my commute as the only time I have to be by myself the entire day. To listen to the music of my choosing without anyone's input as loud or as softly as I'd like. To get completely lost in a delicious audio book. To pop on my bluetooth and have a looong chat with a dear friend without my kids interrupting me 5 times to ask me where this toy or that video game is. Obviously given these two options the correct choice in attitude seems like a no-brainer. But the simple fact is that it takes work. It takes practice to notice how I'm feeling about something and decide to feel better and take the steps necessary to do so. It is a decision to feel good or bad. Like so many other things in life it is simple, but not easy. But there, my friends, is the truth of it. My happiness is completely and totally up to me alone. And yours is up to you.